I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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