youre lurking in front of me
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
