you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
