oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i think i have two assholes
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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