She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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