How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
