party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
