Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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