dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Randomize
