If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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