I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
