maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
