Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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