What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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