how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
