plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
