Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
