I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
