She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
