Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
