I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize