Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Be still, my beating vagina.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
