last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
