I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
