To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
