she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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