this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
