i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
