her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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