He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
