i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
