I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
