it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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