when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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