trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My liver just had a heart attack.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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