nut hugger
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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