nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
