Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
