We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
