the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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