ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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