Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
