went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
