Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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