My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
