well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dick very happy bro
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
