Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Pants are for mortals
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
