tell your sister to shave her snatch
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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