The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
