Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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