Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
