apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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