Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
