you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
