I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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