i would punch a child for taco bell
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
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