I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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