I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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