Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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