I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
