weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
