i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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