Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I looked at my own cervix.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
