Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
