i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
