Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
