I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
